Cherry's Funeral

A memorial service for Cherry will take place on Tuesday 5th December at 2pm in All Saints Church, All Cannings, Wiltshire, SN10 3PF, with a reception nearby afterwards.

 

In order to give us an idea of numbers, and to have a record of who was there, it would be helpful if you could RSVP to wiltshiretills@outlook.com.

 

We hope this will be an opportunity for us all to remember Cherry, and to celebrate her life with the many people who were important to her.

We ask that people do not send flowers, but instead consider making a donation in her memory either to the RSPB (https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/cherry-rspb) or to Dorothy House Hospice Care (https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/cherry-dorothy-house). 

A Final Blog from Cherry

Drafted, but never finished, by Cherry on 17th November:

Now for the not so good news!

I didn't want to tack this rather dismal news on to the end of the entirely happy Wedding News...

We left Norfolk a few days early so I could see the Oncologist . She said I was jaundiced, and booked me in for an emergency scan and 'bloods'. I spent a couple of nights in hospital having strong antibiotics to treat the big build-up of calcium but they are unable to do anything to ease the liver or to slow down the aggressive cancer.

We obviously had to cancel our much anticipitated Norwegian cruise, and the tandem parachute jump! Most of our time is spent trying to keep me comfortable.

The future is looking bleak. I have no energy and less strength in my legs and arms every day. No concentration. I'm just wanting to sleep. Geoff and the 'kids' minister to me & try to tempt me to eat...



Portrait by Anthony Connelly

A note from Geoff:

I am sorrier than can be imagined to have to say that my lovely Cherry died at 0230 on November 21st, three days short of her 72nd birthday.  The end was surprisingly sudden and I was right by her side when it happened, effectively in her sleep, mercifully without pain and in her 'nest', our bed.  The children, the cat and Leonard Cohen were in attendance.


Cherry's Funeral:

We are in the process of arranging an appropriate way to celebrate and remember Cherry.  Further details will be published on this blog in the coming days.



October 26th was a very special day when our older son Simon married Ruth on Concorde - 1st class cabin of course - with immediate family and special friends around them. And quite a lot of hilarity as Concorde is very small, intimate you might say, and involved careful head and feet shuffling and positioning for the registrar, readers, ring bearers and so on.

This was at Brooklands, the museum once the haunt of racing car enthusiasts but now perhaps as famous for special planes like Concorde. We had plenty of opportunities to view its special features from the cabin to the cockpit to that remakable nose underneath which we enjoyed champagne and canapes while the photos were taken.

Altogether this was a joyous family occasion. We all stayed at the Brooklands Hotel on site for a pre-wedding dinner and post wedding breakfast on the 27th so the laughter was spread out. This was all part of a very well co-ordinated plan by Ruth and Simon. Her dress was gorgeous, knee length in ivory, with purple petticoat, shoes and accents, much easier for negotiating Concorde and for dancing later. The flowers and Club Room decorations were all of course part of the plan.

In the evening, after the Wedding Breakfast, we had two excellent guitarists who played a range of 'golden oldies' for our enthusiastic dancers (and singers). Ruth and Simon cut an impressive dash, with their first (and second!) dances. One very clever was a ukelele special (YMCA!) for all the ukelele players in the families (a surprisingly large number ) to join in.

And the Wedding cake was made of cheese, lots of varieties, charmingly arranged...

And that wasn't the end of this Wedding' surprises! Even more  unusual perhaps was the event just before the 'Breakfast'. Brooklands is the keeper of the last surviving WW2 serving Wellington bomber, the one that was hauled out of Loch Ness 30 or so years ago where it had crashed on a training flight. Simon' grandfather was the last surving air crew who was navigator on this actual plane in one of the earliest bombing raids of the War, on the German Naval base at Heliogoland.

Here we had the great opportunity to hand over his log books, the record of his whole 20 year flying career, to Brooklands' new resource centre. He flew 43 different planes but he had a special place in his heart for this Wellington, R for Robert. And I gave a little talk on this remarkable plane particularly its structure of aluminium struts...and canvas!

What a wonderful day we had, and we were very grateful to Ruth and Simon for this opportunity. We're very proud of them, and very happy to see a son so happily settled. And my father would have been thrilled.

Concorde was on my bucket list, too late fly but at least we had a taste of of the Concorde glamour and excitement. The previous weekend we ticked The Shard, a sparkly new attraction on my list. The views were certainly spectacular, over the River Thames and for miles in all directions.

The same week we even managed to catch up with some of our oldest friends and flatmates, gathered in Norfolk for an 80th birthday party. Such a treat to see these friends after so many years. And so little changed, except for Judy who has charmingly curly hair after a lifetime of straight hair and a nasty encounter with breast cancer. Lots of happy uni memories of the past..as well as a delightful peek into the future!

600 miles down the Nile

Writing block?

I started this blog, rewrote it as I didn't like it then promptly 'lost' all the new stuff and nearly threw my tablet out of the window... Now I've pulled myself together and am making a fresh start. It's quite early and I will not leave this bed until I'm 'posted'!

Healthwise I'm much the same, some discomfort kept under control by fairly basic painkillers. The Hospice nurse Janet visited to see how I'm doing, and Phil came over to inspect her. Energy levels still limited but we've had quite a busy 2 weeks so the answer still seems to 'pace yourself and carry on'. Interesting activity definitely keeps the spirits up and so I feel good... with the occasional naps. I'm sleeping well and my appetite is good. And in fact we've indulged ourselves in some very good meals out, always a morale booster (and a break for Geoff)

The biggest event has been Geoff's goddaughter's wedding, attended by close family and friends at a very pretty country house hotel near Warminster. Louisa looked radiantly beautiful and happy to be finally married to David, looking forward to a long and happy life together.

This seemed like a good opportunity to tick off one of my bucket list: Phil and I spent a relaxing afternoon having manicures and pedicures for the wedding. Am I the only female in the Western world who has reached 'three score years and ten' and not enjoyed such a thing?  

Geoff and I have suddenly remembered how much we love the cinema, an experience buried by the recent years of catching up on films on planes, definitely not the same experience: small screen, poor sound, frequent interruptions, seat movement and so on. So we've been to see The Limehouse Golem, gruesomely exciting but very effectively filmed and acted, and Victoria and Abdul, equally well acted (Judy Dench always a winner) funny and moving. If Victoria really did learn Urdu at her advanced age then I'm very impressed by her memory and concentration capacity!

Geoff has been busy harvesting and blanching beans and stewing fruit. And we've made 2 huge vats of tomato soup, very satisfactory if messy.

I've had 2 portrait sittings, which was interesting with lots of chat but no sight of the portrait yet as he said he was 'chasing colour'. Next sitting I'll take the cat. In fact cats have featured quite highly this week as the Literary evening topic at the local book shop was Cats, with some excellent choice readings, famous and no so well known. A good chance for a catch-up with friends over a glass of wine.

Last weekend all the family came together to stay for what should have been our apple juicing weekend..sadly no apples because of the late frost! Instead on Saturday we borrowed a friend's Canadian canoe to paddle on the canal, great fun. No-one fell in, not even Barney who loves to fall in, but all were absorbed in paddling and manoeuvering round the odd canal boat. Chrissie was in charge, with all his Greenpeace training. And it was his birthday weekend (my baby is 36!) so we had bbq, cake (Phil and Beth trotted out the boys' birthday fav, a fort with a modern twist: cybermen instead of cowboys!) and pressies.

They really excelled themselves for my bucket list ticking opportunities as after a lot of research into 'alternative pain relief' (and my complaints about missing out on the Swinging 60s) they arrived with the goods and we had a very lively evening (when the grandchildren were in bed). Fun now but may be really helpful in the future.

Sunday we had a very lively session with a family photographer who knew how to involve the children and relax stiff adults. We're looking forward to seeing the photos, indoor and outdoor.

Now I must concentrate on pre hol jobs and packing! Off tomorrow!! Don't know if there's wifi on the boat. Maybe a good thing if not as I don't want to bore you with blue skies, warm evenings, exotic ruins and the old Nile.... 

August Bank Holiday, with surprisingly good weather!

August bank holiday meant

a busy and enjoyable few days. Family, of course, over the holiday, full of energy and news of wedding plans (all coming together well) and holiday experiences. We enjoyed some lazy time in the garden and a trip out to the New Forest, well more like the coast opposite the Isle of Wight where it was warm enough to swim, when the tide finally came in. Chrissie had Barney & Martha sampling edible seaweed. And he introduced them to Ursula le Guin's Wizard of Earthsea, which they loved.

Barney is now officially in secondary school which he us enjoying. It's a well thought of Catholic school with a smart uniform and compulsory individual laptops (which parents have to rent for the child's whole school career!) He's enjoying all the options of secondary school, like drama.

So now's it's September. I've never liked Autumn as it means 'Winter is coming', end of Summer. So we've decided to get some sun and go on a Nile Cruise! Very exciting. Not too long a flight to Cairo and then 2 weeks gently sailing along the Nile, stopping at various important sites. The boat is an old English 1918 gun boat. King Farouk had it until his overthrow and it has been done up for Brits to indulge in 2 weeks ultimate comfort. We've treated ourselves to a suite, with balcony and bigger room to be comfortable (bath & shower) so if I feel unwell or tired, Geoff can go off on the tour & I can laze about on board. There is anyway quite a lot of sailing time, so it should be restful. We fly back from Aswan. Getting health insurance was really hard: many companies want you to guarantee you'll still be alive 6 months after your return! But we did in the end, and cheaper than first quoted as apparently Egypt counts as Europe!!

The alternative was the south of Spain, Seville & the Alhambra etc but that does include a lot of hardcore walking/sightseeing.. My advice to you all is, if you can, to do the things and see the places you want to while you can! You never know when a nasty joker will pop up and you'll lose your chance. Costa Rica is too far now and I really wanted to birdwatch there and go through the Panama Canal. And I would have liked to go back to Hawaii which we love but it is too far (sorry, Sam & Donna)

Last Thursday, we met Geoff's cousin's widow, Graciela, who's an Oxford academic, for lunch then a very interesting visit to the Raphael's Drawings exhibition at the Ashmolean.. some wonderful work though a little overwhelming in its quantity! Drinks with friends from across the road, and a visit from my sister Shelagh have all helped make the week go with a swing. We're always pleased to have friendly visits, though I apologise in advance if the first thing you see on arrival is the rather tightly packed sleeping figure on the conservatory sofa!

That Bucket List!

Three weeks since my last post! Shocking! I'm very sorry and hope I haven't worried anyone. I'm not in the hospice yet though my assigned nurse, Janet, did visit last week to meet and ask lots of questions, including one which gave me pause for thought: are you at peace? I was having a Dylan Thomas moment and more inclined to 'rage'!

 I'm much the same, up and down, and easily exhausted but I am more uncomfortable in my liver are and tum generally. Beginning to need painkillers more. In fact last week I had to accept the dreaded wheelchair! Actually, after the initial tears, I enjoyed it very much as I could really relax and look at things, rather than wondering where the next seat was. Geoff was happy to push and I could hop out to walk to the wheelchair inaccessible places of interest, such as the jungle area in the Lost Gardens of Heligan, or if the path was too steep.

So in the last 3 weeks we've been ticking off items on my 'Bucket List' and having quite a lot of fun. I've even, with all the good food, put on a few pounds. Phil and I enjoyed the Bath Spa experience, though we didn't have any treatments and it was very crowded. The open air pool on the roof was amazing, with its views and hot water from the thermal springs. The day was quite cold so we had to dash in and out. Downstairs is an indoor pool with currents. On the ground floor are all the saunas, hot and cold rooms. But best to visit out of season.

The week before last we spent in Si and Ruth's very comfy holiday house in Hastings, end of terrace, three floors, very central and convenient. Phil and children came down one day and they all, including Geoff swam, seemingly untroubled by the water temperature!

In the afternoon (after some excellent fish and chips) we took the funicular up to the castle with its fantastic views. The rain caught us there but everyone enjoyed the hot chocolate (and bakklava) at the Turkish restaurant back down in the town.     

                       However, the bucket list item was the De la Warr Pavilion in Bexhill along the coast. I have the mug, now I've been inside the building . It was an extraordinarily ambitious building in the Modernist style for a quiet, conservative town like Bexhill in the 1930s, and not entirely welcome. But it does make amazing use of the sea views, promenade and light. And these days is much loved and extensively used for exhibitions, meetings and social gatherings. The rest of the time we mooched about the lanes, sat on the beach watching people being relieved of their food by the gulls and generally relaxed. On the way home we visited Hurstmonceaux castle, a beautiful red brick 16th century building, for many years after WoWar the Greenwich Royal Observatory HQ and now gifted to a Canadian University. Lovely gardens.

Last week we went down to Cornwall to visit the Eden project and the Lost Gardens of Heligan, where I needed the wheel chair for the longish walks. We were very impressed by Eden, a huge engineering and educational project with the rain forest and Mediterranean 'biomes' but we loved Heligan, such devoted, mostly volunteer almost archaeological rediscovery and the recreation of the Victorian gardens.

We stayed in a very comfortable hotel (Carlyon Bay) with great sea views and excellent restaurants (had a lovely anniversary dinner on the 17th). Too cold for the pool, and we don't play golf. Nothing would get Geoff in a spa...so lots of the popular facilities were wasted on us. Still it was only minutes away from both gardens so very convenient. And if course we had to visit Mevagissey, the first trip we took from Dartmouth in our first term/ few months of marriage. Sadly it poured with rain!

Otherwise this last 3 weeks we've bought a new mattress, visited my sister and brother in law to inspect their small but perfectly formed garden under construction in Devon, and visited at last the Great Bustard site on Salisbury plane where these magnificent big birds are being bred (and now wild breeding) so that they are securely back as a good population returned from extinction (in the 1840s).

And we've started a quite big adventure (for us): a painted portrait of me! I would have been flattered at 40 but now not so keen.... Geoff is enthusiastic and we liked the artist and his work when we visited on Saturday so on Thursday we're going back for a photo-shoot with a few props including the cat.. should be an experience.

Lots more things being planned but most exciting is Si and Ruth's wedding on 26th October. They're coming down this weekend so we will be updated. They've had a week in Majorca after Si did his London-Edinburgh-London bike ride in under 4 days (very good time and picture on face book). Phil and family have been in Edinburgh (by train) and France. They'll join us this Sunday and then lastly Chris will get back from Croatia on Monday and join us for the end of the bank holiday. So a busy family weekend to look forward to.

Many thanks for all emails and cards, promises of prayers and hugs. I love you all. X

       

                              

Glass half empty?

this is vertical!

Bristol Suspension bridge 

I've always been an optimist, mostly I guess because life has almost always turned out well! This week, though, I have struggled to see a good side to my 'embuggerance' (as Terry Pratchet called his terrible dementia). One does tend to be entirely self-centered, forgetting all the other people with all sorts of cancers and dreadful diseases, often younger with more if their lives (supposedly) in front of them. Not easy, though... Hard to avoid the 'why me?' We're used to maybe being ill and expecting to be cured, so coming to terms with the brutal fact that one is not going to get better is quite daunting.

 We are seeing Dr Tillett for a final time on Monday to talk through a few things but I doubt I'll opt for more chemo as I fear things are developing too fast. And it does focus the mind when doctors talk about 'not spoiling the quality of time you have left'.

The children have been wonderful. Phil rushed over last week and then returned with Barney and Martha this week. We've has a great few days: we visited Shelagh in Bristol on Tuesday for lunch and a close inspection of the Camera Obscura and the Suspension Bridge, which has an excellent new Visitors Centre; Thursday we spent in the New Forest which offers so much in the way of tree climbing and walking, birds, ponies and deer, the Rufus stone and a good river for Pooh sticks after a drink in a pub by the river and a fish and chips supper; today we had a long and satisfying session at a local adventure playground, including the Death Slide (well, that was the children obviously while ancient grandparents watched and marvelled!)

And she has enjoyed herself sorting out my store cupboards and discovering all the out of date items! They seem very empty now!

She's coming back next week so we can have a Spa day, sampling the magnificent new Bath Spa: what's good enough for the Romans...

Chrissie came down for a night, cooked dinner and helped me sort out and dispose of dvds. This last week he has been on Greenpeace boat training round the Isle of Wight, having quite a lot of fun and worrying the Coastguard.

Simon and Ruth came at the weekend (the weather was vile so the jobs were inside ones) And we were able to get up to date wedding plan details. I am determined to be around for this wedding! October 26th!

Both Chiff and Si are cycling this weekend, Chiff doing a 100 km (?miles) round London, starting and finishing, I think, in front of Buckingham Palace and raising lots of money for Cancer Research and Si cycling to Edinburgh and back over 4 days, an ambitious affair with mattresses in halls for power naps and energy giving stews prepared by volunteers. Such energy, much to be admired but not emulated by the rest of us!

Not what we hoped for!

This will be a brief and rather bleak post, I'm sorry to say. The oncologist told us the chemo has not worked: the liver tumour has continued to grow and the cancer has spread to my spleen. There is a different kind of secondary chemo with some unpleasant side effects and maybe a 5% chance of effect. We shall think about and in the meantime see if I feel better without chemo.

Now it is over to my local doctor and Dorothy House, the hospice.

I wanted to apologise to everyone whose emails I have been lamentably slow to answer. Please do not think we are not grateful for offers of help! So far we have been fine. But who knows what the future holds when we may need all the help we can get. It is lovely to feel wrapped in love and concern. I'm just sorry the news is not more cheerful.

Sunday evening!

Feels like a long week since the scan on Monday! Pefectly fine experience if you don't mind drinking a litre of luke warm water in the half hour before having dye pumped ibto your system. Only one more day until I see Dr Tillett with results...

I've been a bit up and down this week with some discomfort and not much energy. The chimney sweep came on Wednesday, and afterwards Geoff was introduced to the delights of spring cleaning the sitting room, with him doing the heavy work and me directing and waving a duster.

 We had some old NZ friends to visit on Thursday, which was lovely. They looked after us so well when we spent 3 months there in 2008; it was a joy to see them here. Sadly, very unusually for a food devotee, I had to bail on dinner at the Kings Arms as I felt nauseous. I think it was triggered by someone there wearing a strong scent! Such a waste! Still we had a great time catching up

This weekend has been very quiet unlike the last one which was full of activity. Phil visited on Thursday overnight. So good to have her company especially with the busy end of term schedule of tap exam, school play, discos, parents' evening, visit to Barney's new school etc. Saturday, Geoff and I had a Wiltshire Historic Churches visit to Salisbury Cathedral, in particular to the library where we had a guided tour. Until recently NO-ONE was allowed in so Geoff has been itching for years to get in, ever since he asked and was denied entry!

While we were in Salisbury, Simon was cycling down from London for the weekend. He is so good and energetic, helping sort out my washing line and painting the front gate. And of course, we were able to find out more about the wedding plans.
Saturday night I was fine and enjoyed my meal at the Kings Arms.

 Sunday morning Chrissie and Beth arrived for the day. He and Geoff set to work to mend two of our water butts, which seem to have a very fragile hold on their job of water retention, regularly springing holes. The rabbits and slugs have devoured many of poor Geoff's veggies, but we have a very good crop of blackcurrants, gooseberries and rhubarb, which C& B set to work to harvest (prickly and/ or fiddly work!)  It's much nicer to catch up on news in person. They all seem very well and happy.

Half way?

Cycle 3 completed without problem yesterday. All bloods good though I am low on iron and am now armed with appropriate ferrous tablets. For the 2 days after chemo I take 2 lots of anti-nausea pills so I have to be extra organised, carrying round my 'pharmucopia'!

I didn't have such a good week last week, with tender liver area. Had little energy and less enthusiasm for doing anything. Slept a lot! TG for summer and the chance to get fresh air and some colour while sleeping in the garden.

 I did enjoy hosting our monthly bookclub meeting on Tuesday evening, when we had some good discussion of my book choice, Patrick Gale's Notes from an Exhibition, while nibbling some real Dutch cheese. This is a long running group (15+ years), most of us original members so we are very comfortable together. We take it in turns to choose the book of the month so we have a wonderfully varied selection, mostly novels but some poetry and biography, mostly not too 'highbrow' but occasionally we like to challenge ourselves. And they are very kind and supportive, so I know if I need any help or support we can call on them.

So I am going to take advantage of my three days after chemo when I feel quite (!) lively! Maybe I'll even do a little active gardening?  

Just started cycle 3!

Wednesday 28th June

My blood tests were excellent this time, with the liver function a 'normal' 17! No-one seems to know what it actually means: maybe the healthy part of my liver is coping well with the chemicals and the tumour is being zapped? That's what we hope. After next week's session I'll have the scan which will see if the chemo really is working.. this will be a little nerve-wracking as the alternative seems to be stopping the treatment and leaving it to Nature, with pain killers! So, scan on the 10th and see the oncologist on the 17th for the results.

Anyway, all went well today. The line went in first shot, which is always an encouraging sign. It was raining outside so we felt happy in our little room. Geoff  worked and I dozed (well I did not sleep well the previous night and it is very soporific having all sorts of stuff pumped into your right arm for five plus hours). Oddly I have not have what Phil calls my 'chemo high' this time; my liver area feels tender and I just feel tired.

Thursday 29th
A good night's sleep sorted that out and I really enjoyed a good natter over a pub lunch with two friends today.

Friday 30th
We packed quite a lot into my week off so it was fortunate that I felt much better than I did during my previous break. I only had one attack of liver area pain, on the last Monday evening, when we were actually staying up in London for Geoff's Fellows Dinner at Kings. Took a painkiller and had a nap. I thought a walk would help so pottered down to Burger King to treat myself to the cheese burger which I had been fancying for weeks. I took it to Trafalgar Square to enjoy while watching the tourist world go by... very disappointing, and I binned the chips.

We did, however, both enjoy High Tea at Browns Hotel on Tuesday afternoon, before we drove home. The service was impeccable, the dainties abundant and delicious and the ambience of the tea room charming with wood pannelling and comfy seats.

Of course we earned this after a day at the British Museum, which was packed with tourists avoiding the rain. We particularly wanted to see the delightful Hokusai (Old Man Crazy to Paint) exhibition, he who planned to live until at least 110, convinced his skills would be at their peak by then. He 'only' made 90 and it is hard to imagine he could have got much better.

The previous day we went to the Queen's Gallery to see the Canaletto Exhibition, which was also excellent and much less crowded. George 111 in the early 1760s bought up the huge collection of his honorary consul to Venice, Joseph Smith, who patronised Canaletto and his contemporaries whose work appealed particularly to touring ex-pats. So the royal collection has a wonderful range from the large canvas views, to smaller lively depictions of antiquities to delightful drawings.

Of course our main expedition was to Amsterdam for three nights, where we were hosted by Thalys and the Dutch Navy. We stayed at the new Movenpick which is right on the water next to the Cruise Terminal. So we had great views of the water, islands and ferries. And on the last evening, I watched a terrific thunderstorm with lots of dramatic lightning. The first day was really hot so while Geoff was conferencing I spent time, of course, at the Rijksmuseum, renewing acquaintance with some of my fav paintings in the beautifully spruced up warren of galleries. The main improvement is the decoratively glassed in big courtyard, providing meeting and eating places, shops and ticketing, and of course what is most usually needed, dry and warm access to galleries. Far too much to see in one go but an interesting challenge.

In the evening we had a very jolly and boozy canal boat cruise for our group of about 40. Everyone in Amsterdam appeared to be out enjoying the exceptional weather so the scenes were very lively in the light evening. For our starter we moored at an old and very exclusive hotel where we were given a delicious selection of fishy dishes, including raw herring prepared before us. For our main course and pud, another character hotel, and more excellent food. Good thing my appetite was functioning that night! And all surrounded by the endlessly fascinating canalside towers, churches and very variable old houses and warehouses. Like Venice, many buildings are sinking as the supporting timbers are rotting so they lean, sideways like drunks or sometimes forwards in a tottering way!

The following day Geoff went off on a long day's tall ship trip and visit to the old Dutch Naval College for presentations and receptions. I enjoyed a leisurely visit to the flower market  (mainly bulbs these days for tourists), some cheese tasting (good strong cheeses, a world away from Edam) and sitting outside a coffee shop, eating pancake and drinking iced tea, watching the world go by and writing postcards. Very relaxing.

Our return journey was a near disaster, as the airport was solid queues and barely controlled chaos. And when it was time to board our plane, we were informed that several planes had been damaged by lightning the previous day and our designated plane was smaller..so 40 people had to be put on a (much) later flight. Of course our names were on the list (no idea how they choose). We did get lucky, though, by playing the chemo card, and were given the last 2 seats on the plane, in business class! Bonus!

Enough of my reminiscences. Will try and write more often and more briefly. 

Never good with numbers...

I always check my writing for typos and spelling blips so was ashamed to realise I let a number error through last time. The liver function blood test spiked from a nice low 30 to horridly high 300 (not 700!) The good news this week is that it is back down to a good 45 so yesterday I both chemicals... we are now waiting to see what happens in the next week off.

So I have now finished my second (of six) chemo cycles and as a rather exciting act of faith we've booked flights for Amsterdam on Tuesday for three nights! Geoff will be involved in a conference and I'm really looking forward to visiting the revamped Rijksmuseum. The cat won't be happy but she does have a nice sunny conservatory to luxuriate in. Our wonderful European Health Insurance will cover me, for now, until the politicians get stuck into all their nonsense.

This week has been different as Phil took over the carer's role when Geoff reluctantly departed for Newport RI! Actually he thoroughly enjoyed the change, was offered a job, found the conference most stimulating, met lots of old friends and in particular was looked after in the evening by our old friends the Hattendorfs. Mind you, this evening he is shattered. Early night, but only after he has been out with a torch to pick up the slugs which are eating his veg!

As for me I really enjoyed time with Phil. We talked about all sorts of things, even what I want at my funeral! No idea, won't be for years... We went to Avebury to visit the Manor, I had my hair done (I may not lose my hair!), we walked to the canal and sorted out an invasion of ants in the conservatory as well as the unexpected visit by a hornet, who didn't like being stuck indoors (a cobweb mop caught him up and popped him out). He was BIG! Very usefully she tackled my pile of ironing.

So all is ticking over here. Tomorrow I visit the dentist who promises to restore my old, broken crowned front tooth - so I can smile again without looking like an old hag.

A mixed two weeks....

Once again thank you to everyone sending love and encouragement. I have needed all the support as the last two weeks have been disappointing. I was hoping for a pleasant week off from chemo but sadly I didn't feel so good with some real discomfort in the liver area and general feeling of exhaustion, dodgy digestive system and temperature control.

The blood test before the beginning of the second cycle on Wednesday explained it all. The original liver blood reading before the first chemo started was 70, which went down to a healthier 30 before the second chemo session. Sadly the the opposite occurred this week with a spike to 700! This apparently is a sign of an inflamed liver irritated by the chemical gemcitabine so in my session this week I only had the other chemical (cisplatin). Another blood test next week will see how my poor old liver is coping.

Other more interesting things,however, have been going on in the last 2 weeks. Beth and Chrissie visited first, and C came again before going off to the Isle of Skye for Greenpeace boat training. He has been headhunted for another fund raising job, which he is considering. He still has plenty of energy left from his very busy life to mow grass here! He and Beth are keen gardeners in their Walthamstow patch so there is a certain amount of father/son rivalry. Best of all is quality time with each of them to talk and listen.

 Phil and family came next when Barney got back from his end of SATS/ end of primary school camp on the Isle of Wight. It was half term so they were able to stay a few days of pretty miserable weather. Still, being into survival techniques, they spent a lot of time making camp in the wood as well as helping Grandpa in the veg garden and enjoying the big old tractor mower. Phil is ace at bureaucracy and form filling in and is coming next week to look after me when Geoff goes to his Newport RI conference. The 'children' feel a break will do him good so have bullied him into it.

Our third lot of visitors brought some really exciting news: an engagement! Si and Ruth are getting married later this year. We are all thrilled. They are very happy together and make a lovely couple. Exact date and kind of wedding to be announced but it will be small, family and two lots of friends. They want something a little offbeat and quirky...  Watch this space. We of course celebrated with an excellent meal at a nearby village pub restaurant which specialises in fresh daily seafood from St Mawes. Superb. I must just mention my starter of juicy ripe figs stuffed with goats cheese and wrapped with parma ham. Inspired.

So you see I'm still enjoying eating, though quantity is down. And as it is the Open Garden season we are going to see what other people's gardens are like. Thursday, the day after chemo, I felt fine so we had quite a busy day: voted of course, then went on a Wiltshire Victoria County History jolly to Odstock Manor, near Salisbury, a most interesting old house with a long history still being unravelled, in part from the 16th century with all sorts of changes right up to the present day of a charming tower cupola. We enjoyed the gardens and then were given tea and free range of the whole house and their art collection. Fascinating.

In the evening we went to see a show, part of the Devizes Arts Festival which had rave reviews last year at Edinburgh, 'Austentatious'. As the audience enters the space they are invited to suggest a title for a possible play. From this undoubtedly motley collection, the young company of six choose one on which to improvise... 'Charlotte the Siren of Devizes'.. lots of local and of course Jane Austenish references. Very lively and funny.

A quiet weekend for once for Geoff to prepare his paper and for us visit some local open gardens. I shall have to keep my mouth closed for the week as one of my front teeth, an old crown, broke off, 4 o'clock Friday, classic inconvenient time. As if I didn't have enough to trouble me.. the dentist doesn't have a big enough slot for root canal until next Friday!  

Two down, now a week off!

Too nice a day to spend indoors in quite small room, but wood outside and breeze from the window. Geoff worked and I read, listened to my soothing friend Leonard and dozed. Plenty of encouragement to drink, though sadly no prosecco.

1. the line went in first with hardly a bruise left to show it had been there.

2. All the various hydrations, minerals, flushing stuff flowed through painlessly as well as the two chemo specials

3. Most exciting, my blood test was very encouraging with excellent kidney function (crucial as chemo can't continue if they are suffering) and white blood cells fine; red bloods down but that's a slow long term thing;

4. my liver tests show significent improvement which shows even the single  treatment last week has had  effect  

There's lots more detail but that's enough to make it worthwhile.

We celebrated on the way home by buying hanging baskets from an enthusiast's garden and splurging on goodies from M&S.

Cheers!   

2nd treatment in 1st cycle tomorrow, then week off!

A mixed kind of week, only to be expected I guess! Sunday worst day as could hardly wake up! So tired. Better on Monday and even better today Tuesday as despite some tum discomfort I felt quite lively.

I haven't achieved much this week but did enjoy the sunshine. A chair under an apple tree in the garden! And I can watch Geoff working on his veg or lawns or preparing the new house signs. Perfect. We did have a potter to a local quality superstore on Saturday to indulge in retail therapy (I'm getting behind there!) and hot chocolate. No dog but Beth and Chrissie came down and helped with putting up the very heavy slate signs and doing the mowing.

Don't forget to think of me again on Wednesday pm...and I hope I get away this week with less horrid bruises.

Two days after

Just a quick post to say all well and no real side effects. The anti-nausea drugs worked so effectively I had no hint of sickness. I had no high temperature problems but on the contrary my temperature struggled to reach 36! Blood pressure all over the place but ok. Felt quite energetic Thursday pm but fragile today so not much achieved. We did manage a potter to the canal where we saw a charming Canada geese family.

Last weekend we had a great visit by Phil, Chiff, Barney and Martha. B&M helped Grandpa mow the path round the paddock on the big, old tractor mower...and had a ball! I tried out my wig on them and they didn't run screaming from the room or burst out laughing.

This coming weekend we're hoping to see Chrissie, Beth and a visiting dog, which will bring some unwanted excitement into Minnie's life. 

One down, eleven to go!

The weather was truly horrid today so why not spend it indoors in a small room being pumped with chemicals?!

Actually more time was spent hydrating me and putting in compensatory vitamins etc that the two chemo treatments tend to take out, which can harm the kidneys. There were no immediate side effects from either of the latter. Tonight I feel fine, have had fish and chips, with a very nice glass of prosecco, while watching a reassuring episode of Poirot.

So an hour and a half was chemo, three plus hours flushing, hydrating and boosting.... and more than an hour and a half trying to find a vein to carry the canula!! It wasn't all 'pincushion' work but also warming hot pads and also a bowl of hot water, quite a lot of which ended up on me! My veins are rather narrow, always a challenge for the nedical profession. This was also not helped by my blood pressure which was surprisingly low - I assumed it would be high in this stressful, unknown territory that I was entering! The top reading, usually about 120, remained stubbornly below 100.

Anyway as you can see from the photo they eventually succeeded in finding a very good vein which withstood all the variety and length of the intravenus action. You can also see evidence of some of the failed attempts. And also my dark red nail varnish, which is also on my toe nails. Apparently there is good evidence that dark red/ black varnish protects the nail beds from chemo damage (ridging and flaking)!

All in all a successful day though a long one. Geoff worked and drank a series of coffees; we talked, attempted the crossword and ate lunch; I drank a lot of water, did a sudoku, placed my Sainsburys order, listened to good old Leonard Cohen (thanks Chiff) and enjoyed my kindle. We had a nice garden view and, besides nurses and a pharmicist, saw no-one else. 'Our' nurse, Sonya, is very pleasant and efficient. We'd met her on Monday for our briefing and she continued today talking us through things and giving helpful hints, as well as telling us about herself and family. I imagine we'll know her quite well by September.

I could feel the strong vibes from all of you, and was comforted and grateful and hugely encouraged.  

Starting date!

I'm 'meeting the team' at the Bath Clinic on Claverton Down on Monday and then starting the chemo next Wednesday, the 17th at 10.30am. The first session could last 6 hours!! TG for my kindle! And I'm hoping all of you lovely people will be sending strong healthy vibes and prayers. I really want this treatment to stun my tumours so I can enjoy a well period. I'm preparing my 'bucket list' and expect to have some time to achieve some of these things which include a goddaughter's wedding in Florence in the spring and a visit to southern Spain as we've never been to Seville or the Alhambra! Shocking!

We're having a quiet day today, enjoying a walk to the canal in the sun and some pottering in the garden. The last few days have been full of fun. Thursday we visited my sister Loretta and husband Graham down on the Devon/Dorset border, a gorgeous part of the country. We caught up with each other's news, had steak dinner in their local and inspected their garden plans and Graham's pride and joy, already erected, a wooden garden observatory, with a roll back roof. Geoff had his first first good look at Jupiter and the craters of the moon.

On Friday morning on the way home Geoff dropped me at our friend Pat's house where she gave me lunch and then drove me to the Wig Lady's place, just south of Swindon. We had loads of fun looking at catalogues, examining swatches of colour and trying on wigs. Lynda is such a kind, sensible lady with lots of useful advice. She has ordered me 5 different wigs to choose from. The things you learn: real hair wigs are heavier and of course have to be styled; artificial wigs just need to be washed and the style bounces back! But you must NEVER open a hot oven in a 'acrylic' wig...

Then home for the cream tea Pat had prepared and brought with her. Yum! I think she's in league with Geoff about feeding me up.

Simon and Ruth came down on Saturday and set to work to help with some heavy chores, like getting the remains of the old washing line out of the ground and setting up the new one. Geoff had hurt his neck trying the job on his own and is in quite a lot of pain, poor thing. Lots of useful jobs were covered by this healthy energetic pair and then in the evening they took us out to a Michelin star pub for dinner, really superb. We'll go back again I think to celebrate...

Sunday we succumbed to the local Garden Centre, enjoying its many delights including lunch. As I write, Geoff is out in his veg patch planting and I must go out and water. 

Not much of a choice!

Well, we saw the oncologist, Dr Tanya Tillett, last evening and found her clear and helpful. We had lots of questions which she was pleased to answer. So I'm now going to give you a quick run down on my situation (if you're feeling squeamish...) Apparently my primary cancer is in the gall bladder, with the liver tumour secondary. This kind of cancer is almost always picked up too late as there are no obvious symptoms until it starts to spread. The oncologist said no surgeon nowadays would act on this cancer as it would just jump and spread, even into the surgical incision to enter the area, which would never heal. People who had surgery did not do as well as those who don't. This group of organs (including the pancreas) are contained in a kind of 'bucket' formed by the peritoneum.

So only 2 choices, palliative care which I didn't like the sound of but I guess will come later especially if the chemo is not working, and chemotherapy. You won't be surprised to hear I opted for the pro-active chemo! This will take the form of 6 x 3 week cycles: weeks 1&2 I will spend a half day each week being pumped with 2 chemicals and the third week will be a recovery week when the doctor will do scans and see how I and my tumours are doing. She says we can stop at any time and that her main concern is keeping me well and comfortable for as long as possible, not insisting on painful and futile procedures. There's a 24 hour helpline and all sorts of support. I'll meet the team next week and maybe even start then.

The best outcome would be if the chemo works and stuns the cancer cells, stopping the spread, reducing the size of the liver tumour and getting rid of the discomfort, tiredness and persistent temperature problem!!! In other words normality!

We won't think too much about the worst case scenario but we will make contact with local Macmillan cancer support centre so they know what the situation is and can give advice and support when needed. We are preparing for the worst but are living in hope that the chemo will work. Dr Tillett was quite clear that everyone is different and no-one really knows how each person will react.

Sorry for such a bleak post. I still can't really believe I'm talking about myself. I still have a lot to do and don't want to die yet. 

Family weekend

We've had a great May bank holiday weekend, with quite a lot of sunshine and some good walks. Phil came on Friday morning and we spent a couple of jolly shopping hours in Marlborough (clothes shop capital of Wiltshire), finishing with tea at Polly's tea rooms, which still has good cakes even if the girls no longer wear frilly dresses!

Saturday morning she helped me sort out one of the wardrobes, enabling me to get rid of a lot of evening bling which even in health I an unlikely to wear again. In the afternoon we walked across the fields to the canal, passing very close to a roe deer sitting quietly in a field ditch. We wondered if he was injured but he'd gone the following day. Later we had a more lethal visitor to our garden, sitting hopefully on the fence trying unsuccessfully to find a way to get its beak on our fish!

Sunday Chrissie and Beth came laden with Farmers Market goodies such as interesting pies (Penguin Pie?), cheese and a chicken which they roasted. Then, because Beth had never watched Flash Gordon all the way through, we indulged ourselves in some family nostalgia, joining in with the dialogue and wallowing in that superb Queen musical sound track.

Today we went for a lovely 'bluebell walk' in some local woods and then had a pub lunch in The Barge Inn which used to be famous for its crop circle room. All the Croppies used to visit to find the most recent and spectacular crop circle report and discuss their alien experiences....Only the ceiling painting remains now...

As you can tell, I am not really unwell at the moment. I struggle with my temperature, especially in the night, I get very tired and I find sitting upright for too long uncomfortable as my internal organs can be squished, but I am able to carry on with life as much as possible.

We are seeing the Oncologist in Bath tomorrow (Tuesday) evening and then we might have some idea of what the future holds! Very many thanks for all the messages of love and support. I am moved and grateful but as yet I don't really know what I am going to need in the way of support. I really have no idea! But I will let you know, but I think it will be a steep learning curve, not one I would have chosen.

I didn't see that coming!

Yesterday evening Mr Abbadi told us that there was no point in operating on the tumour as the cancer has spread to the stomach lining and is therefore incurable. Chemotherapy will slow it down...and will hopefully start soon. I have had such a happy and lucky life that such a bummer of a diagnosis never occurred to me, though I think G was half expecting it.

I am sorry to put it so baldly, and of course Mr A put it much more gently. What a terrible job to have to tell people they have terminal cancer! I never expected to hear the 't' word applied to me. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but it definitely included another 20 years of life, seeing the grandchildren grow up and lots more travelling (Namibia, Costa Rica....) I guess I imagined being like my mother,having a stroke, being incontinent etc. I wasn't looking forward to that fate but at least I'd have had my four score years and ten. We are greedy now, aren't we, we expect four score years rather than the biblical three score...

Anyway, I'm having a day today as I keep weeping so not good for talking! Everything I look at makes me cry from my house plants to my history of art books, from our collection of paintings to all my earrings. Mr A said positive attitude was important and a fighting spirit. Geoff and I together have those weapons, and we'll work on a plan when I stop crying. In the meantime, he is making me eat sensibly, doing all the chores, tending the garden and finishing the 4th (and last) edition of his Seapower book. He has energy and positive attitude enough for both of us!

Easter weekend

No, a good night's sleep didn't help me to feel better! Not surprising really after general anaesthetic, three holes in my tum, heavy bruising and presumably the same on the inside. Gradually I'm feeling a bit less sore physically, and having the family here for the long weekend was lovely.  There was lots of eating, of course, and essential  Easter chocolate. Beth and Chrissie organised an elaborate treasure hunt masterminded by The God Bunny (never trust a wabbit). They all did all sorts of useful jobs, like cleaning my horribly neglected oven and extractor fan! They're all so cheerful, positive and helpful, though Phil and I did shed some tears together.

There's no denying, however, that I feel very low at the moment. I expect it's the anaesthetic effect. Also my heart lurched and I didn't take in much else when Mr Abbadi mentioned shadowing on the peritoneum as a dear 'history of art' friend Linda died of that last April.

I do so wish some sort of real action could occur. The 'taking things carefully' is not very appealing for someone who longs to have this tumour removed. Today we visited a cardiologist for a second opinion. Although he agreed with the basic premise that my heart can't take a big op, he was helpful as he explained objectively the possible options going forward. And we're hoping Mr Abbadi will tell us on Tuesday evening which option he and his team favours and why. And then we can see some action?

Not the good news we hoped for!

I've just got home after a night 'under observation'! I'm starting to get a phobia about anaesthetists who are so ultra cautious (afraid of being sued?)

Anyway, this is just a short, bald update, with more tomorrow when I've had a decent night's sleep. The laparoscopy went fine, no heart problems. But Mr Abbadi found 4 or 5 'shadows' or 'areas of concern' by the liver and on the lining of the abdomen. Samples have gone off for biopsy but I think it's clear that the cancer is spreading. If by some miracle none of them are cancerous, then the cardiologist will be in touch next week to organise a heart valve op. Pigs might fly.

So I have time to recover from the laparoscopy and then will see Mr A on Tuesday week to discuss the next step, probably chemo. Time to organise the wig, which could be fun.

More hopeful?

Well, we felt much more cheerful last night on our way back from Bristol, and it wasn't just because the sun was shining, the roads were quiet and the M32 was NOT closed!

The pre-op was fine with the usual repetitive questions, blood taking etc. All the nurses were kind and efficient, as you'd expect. Maybe the Bristol Royal Infirmary is not the hospital from hell after all...

What really cheered us up was bumping into Mr Abbadi by the lifts. He confirmed that the laparoscopy is definitely next Tuesday 11th (we had not had hospital confirmation tho did get a phonecall this morning) and he wants me in at 7am for a 7.30 start. And he says there's lots of planning with cardiologists going on behind the scenes...So maybe some action is coming?

In the evening was my Book Club where it was good to see all the 'girls'. We had quite a lively discussion about the Atul Gawande 'Being Mortal', which I mentioned before, over a glass of wine. No conclusions reached, of course, except that we all want to grow old, keeping marbles and health and dying in our own beds. No one wants dementia or terminal illness but at least we've been encouraged to face our options and what choices we might make. Now I can go back to my undemanding, escapist thrillers and detective stories...

Keeping positive!

Having a cancer diagnosis has an amazing effect on one's life! I'm mostly sleeping fine and during the day I can escape into a book or into family company or a walk or an episode of West Wing... but it's always there, appearing in one's mind as soon as one wakes up in the morning and popping up like pesky spam in unguarded moments. We're obviously great planners, with all our travelling, but all that is on hold now. Easter is about the best I can manage, less than 2 weeks away... As for the rest of the year, who knows?

Certainly sleep helps one keep things in perspective, and talking to friends and family. And some definite medical dates. Tuesday is pre-op day and the following Tuesday 11th the fishing expedition, to see how my heart behaves during a short investigation and to have a good look inside at whether the cancer really is contained. Then hopefully action on heart. Contrary to what some people think, private patients can't insist on treatment doctors regard as dangerous. Nor can they queue jump in NHS hospitals where the intensive care wards are!

So life carries on. This weekend has been lovely: Phil and Chrissie came down for 2 nights; we had 2 excellent walks to look at our own local burial long barrow and along the canal and today to Avebury, which was predictably teeming. What glorious weather, warm Spring sunshine, lots of flowers and fresh green growth. P&C brought books and cds, cooked, mowed grass, helped Geoff mend an annoyingly drippy water butt, deadheaded daffs, picked rhubarb, caught up on their sleep and generally we had a good laugh.

Many thanks for all the encouraging messages, postcards and advice! 

PS!

Just a quick ps.

Mr Abbadi has just phoned to say that lots of anaesthetists and cardiologists have been talking about me today and none of them will consider the big op with my heart in its present state. BUT they will allow the exploratory laparoscopy to see how things are in there!

Not much but a start. But it won't be until the week after next...in the Bristol Royal Infirmary, which is the hospital from hell from what I hear.

A Kafkaesque situation!

I think I've been playing so far, marking time, with this blog. The meeting with the surgeon last night made us realise hard choices have to be made.

 Mr Abbadi is a nice, clear, reasonable doctor, but cautious. As is his anaesthetist. He was hoping to do a preliminary laparoscopy today to look inside to confirm that the cancer really is contained (apparently scans don't always show everything) but they are fearful of my aortic stenosis, that my heart might not be able to cope with surgery. They will not do anything until a cardiologist gives the go ahead. I may even have to have heart surgery first!

He will not countenance any chance of my dying on his operating table. As I see it, this is a (probably) closing window of opportunity to remove the cancer and give me a chance of return to health. I am far more afraid of the cancer spreading and having to cope with a painful decline, with futile chemo and the knowledge of cancer eating its way through my vital organs. I have NO heart symptoms  and I shall be heartbroken if, while they're pussyfooting around, the cancer spreads. I would prefer to take my chances on the operating table. Obviously I don't want to die but I would prefer the dignity of a quiet, quick death to the prolonged alternative. And bugger his operating record.

So now we're waiting for a cardiologist to give his opinion, and it may take a few days. Last night was not a good one as you can imagine. We just want to get on with it! To add insult to injury, for those of you who know the hellishly large city of Bristol, the main access and escape road is the M32...Last night, without any warning that we saw, it was closed for repairs.. All traffic was diverted...and then all signs disappeared. We were left in the pouring rain to find an alternative route home, which took nearly 2 hours instead of the usual one. Last straw!

The irony is that if we were still in Singapore I would have already had the op!

Sorry for a tale of gloom. I would welcome your opinions...

Another week!

A quiet week, enlivened by visits from Chrissie on Thursday and Phil who stayed on Friday night. Lovely to have some quality time with them. Saturday was so sunny that we pottered down to the canal, escorted by the farm dog Amber. The daffodils are glorious this year, though taking a battering from this chilly wind. Geoff, of course, when he's not being a carer (cat, fish, birds, house and of course me) is busily planting, mowing & wall mending.

I've been trying to prepare for the meeting with the surgeon on Tuesday with a little research into him and into the human liver! Mr Reyad Abbadi is a Kings man, so he must be good... He calls himself a hepatobiliary and pancreatic surgeon, which I found interesting as hepatobiliary is a new word for me, and is not in the Oxford dictionary! Can work out hepato as in hepatitis so liver and biliary which refers to gallbladder and bile ducts. Anyway, he lives and works in Bristol so that is where I shall go. The waiting for an op date is hard, though.

The human liver is big, up to 2 kilos (largest organ after the skin! is that an organ?!) And it can renew itself, which I find encouraging. Anyone sensitive should miss out the rest of this paragraph as I'm going to talk about symptoms of liver cancer. I won't generalise as this cancer is different from the more usual one caused by hard drinking! Mine appears to be, as I think I've said, from a infection in the gall bladder which is joined on to the liver. My original symptom was the daily temperature fluctuations ranging fom 35.5 to 37.8, which left me feeling confused and miserable. And exhausted, with no energy, poor concentration, inability to make decisions and loss of interest in life! I have quite a lot of nausea and stomach ache, presumably because the liver is squashing other organs. Recently I've had the delightful treat of excreting bile - sorry, nothing nice about cancer!

Really most of the time I'm not too bad but exasperated by having no energy to do the things I want to do to put my life in order. So I fall back on reading, mostly delightful escapist rubbish. I did however yesterday read our Book Club choice for April: Being Mortal by Atul Gawande which is by a doctor facing the current impasse between medecine (which can do extraordinary things to save and prolong life) and basic human requirements to choose what matters at 'the end'. He deals with both very old age and the way safety seems to be society's main concern not individual human need to do what makes one happy and with terminal illness where we should decide our priorities before we get locked into rounds of difficult treatment. A kind, moving and sobering book.

Now back to a nice Peter May bit of escapism... Antiques Roadshow on TV tonight. Maybe we'll have a walk at Avebury tomorrow...

 

 

As you can see we are enjoying the important things in life! Simon and Ruth took us out for dinner last night at the local Bistro. The chef, Peter Vaughan, and his team are very adventurous with their food ideas and last night were offering an Arab Spring menu, which was not an exciting idea but ultimately disappointing as Chrissie suggested but a delicious mezze sharing platter, very tasty lamb, chicken, fish and veggie mains and then of course things like baklava and pistachio ice cream for pud. The main part of the restaurant is in one of the many cellars with which Devizes is honeycombed, a survival from smuggling times.

Well, when I told the doctor that I had little appetite, he said I must keep up the calories! Today, Ruth, chef, and Si, sous chef, cooked a delicious roast lunch. We've really enjoyed their company over the weekend. This is definitely a bonus result of being ill: delightful extra family time. And Si helped Geoff paint the greenhouse and gazebo as well as sorting a couple of computer glitches.

So we haven't missed Cartagena at all....  

Good news!

The good news is the consultant and the liver surgeon looked at all my results today and agreed that the cancer started in the gall bladder before moving up to the liver and so is contained and operable. The nearest lymph nodes are apparently swollen and so have been doing their job of catching cancer cells and will be removed.

The modern way is lots of warnings about the seriousness of surgery but I will be seeing the liver surgeon the week after next and then hopefully get a surgery date.

There is a bit of a joker in the pack: my congenital heart murmur in a heart valve has deteriorated into severe aortic stenosis. I will need a cardiologist present during the op! I do not have any heart problem symptoms so am hopeful things aren't too bad.

So we feel much more cheerful after a tense couple of days. Geoff is smiling for the first time in a while. It is almost (not really) worth having a serious illness to get all the lovely sympathetic responses to the news and the blog. I am really impressed with the variety and originality in the messages. And heartened.

Tonight I shall gave a celebratory glass of prosecco and we'll (re)watch a couple of episodes of West Wing. I'm even enjoying my food a little more. This is the one good thing that has come out of all this: I've lost 10 kilos! There's always a silver lining! 

I 'd rather be in Cartagena de Indias!

That's where we should be this week, in the north of Colombia, where the Pacific meets the Caribbean, if we hadn't had the cancer diagnosis. We had to cancel everything, get earlier plane tickets and scuttle home, after very hurriedly packing up the flat in Singapore, with eight years of stuff in our luggage.

I haven't been feeling well since the end of November, with my temperature going up and down, and feeling generally without energy or interest in anything. At Christmas my UK doctor had a blood test done but nothing seemed terribly wrong. So we returned to Singapore where I saw the Uni doctor who clearly thought I was some sort of elderly, attention seeking hypochondriac with too much time on her hands. She suggested that I was suffering from hot flushes! To get rid of me she referred me to the local hospital where I saw a very switched on Belgian doctor who set me up to have a series of scans and tests.

The last one was the CT scan which clearly showed my trashed gall bladder and a nasty lump on my liver. They whisked me straight into hospital and started to pump antibiotics into me as they thought it was an abscess. Sadly it was not, but instead a cancerous tumour.

The Singapore doctor, Mr Daniel Tan, is convinced it is an infection up from the bile ducts, through the gall bladder and then into the liver, self contained and operable. Back in the UK, I've had blood tests and a MRI scan to add to the discs and reports we brought back with us and now we're waiting for the consultant's decision. There will be a case study session on Friday when all the specialists meet, so we shall see.

As you can imagine this has come as a bolt from the blue in the life of someone who thinks of herself as happy and healthy! A week in a Singapore hospital was an experience! I've never actually been ill in hospital before, only for planned, mainly gynaeological reasons. Just being in hospital, with little sleep and with various tubes in your arms, makes you feel ill and querulous.

The Ng Teng Fong General Hospital Jurong was very impressive, brand new, three towers with lots of shops and restaurants on the ground floor, ample parking below ground and on the first floor bridges linking to the MRT and bus station and various shopping malls. One tower is for clinics, one for wards and one for the Community hospital. Nothing is free in Singapore, but there are levels of charges and different degrees of comfort (single rooms, four bed and I guess bigger wards). The facilities are state of the art and nursing impeccable (with a range of nationalities as in the UK, but many from the Philippines and Vietnam) English is of course the admin and main communication language.

What took a little getting used to were the regulation pyjamas, pink for girls and obviously blue.... And as well as an identification bracelet, with a (gps?) tracker on one's arm, in case you go awol in the shopping malls?

The Chinese ( both ladies I shared with were Chinese) take hospital visiting very seriously and go loaded with bowls, chopsticks and all sorts of food and proceed to have a party round the bed. It's charming but not so good for adjoining beds. I haven't had much appetite for months and the antibiotics made me too nauseous to enjoy any food, even by proxy. There was an impressive choice of menus, Chinese, Malay or Western, but too much!

Another very different thing is the presence of the maid or carer. In my first ward, where the poor old soul had had stroke, her carer was with her 24 hours, sleeping on a kind of window bench. What a hideously boring life. She helps with the hospital care and is trained in what to do when her lady goes home. And while the lady slept, she talked to friends on her phone and watched tv.

An interesting experience, but not to be repeated if possible!

Well, all the family has rallied round, bringing food, flowers, books - I have read about 50 novels this year- and it has been lovely to see them all. Phil was all set to leap on a plane to Singapore. Poor Geoff has been doing everything and spoiling me. He was seriously unsettled when I fainted in our room at the Paddington Hilton just before Christmas, something I've never done before or since! I was more upset that we had to cancel High Tea at Browns Hotel, and I missed the Paul Nash exhibition.

So we are now waiting for the verdict of the doctors. I'll let you know!

Sorry to be a party pooper, Cherry