I think I've been playing so far, marking time, with this blog. The meeting with the surgeon last night made us realise hard choices have to be made.
Mr Abbadi is a nice, clear, reasonable doctor, but cautious. As is his anaesthetist. He was hoping to do a preliminary laparoscopy today to look inside to confirm that the cancer really is contained (apparently scans don't always show everything) but they are fearful of my aortic stenosis, that my heart might not be able to cope with surgery. They will not do anything until a cardiologist gives the go ahead. I may even have to have heart surgery first!
He will not countenance any chance of my dying on his operating table. As I see it, this is a (probably) closing window of opportunity to remove the cancer and give me a chance of return to health. I am far more afraid of the cancer spreading and having to cope with a painful decline, with futile chemo and the knowledge of cancer eating its way through my vital organs. I have NO heart symptoms and I shall be heartbroken if, while they're pussyfooting around, the cancer spreads. I would prefer to take my chances on the operating table. Obviously I don't want to die but I would prefer the dignity of a quiet, quick death to the prolonged alternative. And bugger his operating record.
So now we're waiting for a cardiologist to give his opinion, and it may take a few days. Last night was not a good one as you can imagine. We just want to get on with it! To add insult to injury, for those of you who know the hellishly large city of Bristol, the main access and escape road is the M32...Last night, without any warning that we saw, it was closed for repairs.. All traffic was diverted...and then all signs disappeared. We were left in the pouring rain to find an alternative route home, which took nearly 2 hours instead of the usual one. Last straw!
The irony is that if we were still in Singapore I would have already had the op!
Sorry for a tale of gloom. I would welcome your opinions...
Mr Abbadi is a nice, clear, reasonable doctor, but cautious. As is his anaesthetist. He was hoping to do a preliminary laparoscopy today to look inside to confirm that the cancer really is contained (apparently scans don't always show everything) but they are fearful of my aortic stenosis, that my heart might not be able to cope with surgery. They will not do anything until a cardiologist gives the go ahead. I may even have to have heart surgery first!
He will not countenance any chance of my dying on his operating table. As I see it, this is a (probably) closing window of opportunity to remove the cancer and give me a chance of return to health. I am far more afraid of the cancer spreading and having to cope with a painful decline, with futile chemo and the knowledge of cancer eating its way through my vital organs. I have NO heart symptoms and I shall be heartbroken if, while they're pussyfooting around, the cancer spreads. I would prefer to take my chances on the operating table. Obviously I don't want to die but I would prefer the dignity of a quiet, quick death to the prolonged alternative. And bugger his operating record.
So now we're waiting for a cardiologist to give his opinion, and it may take a few days. Last night was not a good one as you can imagine. We just want to get on with it! To add insult to injury, for those of you who know the hellishly large city of Bristol, the main access and escape road is the M32...Last night, without any warning that we saw, it was closed for repairs.. All traffic was diverted...and then all signs disappeared. We were left in the pouring rain to find an alternative route home, which took nearly 2 hours instead of the usual one. Last straw!
The irony is that if we were still in Singapore I would have already had the op!
Sorry for a tale of gloom. I would welcome your opinions...
No comments:
Post a Comment